What we should do when we feel alone

Identify the reasons why you feel lonely. In order to make changes that will truly help you, you will need to take some time to figure out why you are feeling lonely.[2]For example, say you assume that you are lonely because you don’t have enough friends and you go out and make more friends. You may still feel lonely after making new friends if your loneliness is the result of having too many friends and a lack of meaningful connections. Consider some of the following questions to help you determine why you are feeling lonely:

Start a journal to track your thoughts and feelings. Journaling can help you to understand your feelings of loneliness better and it is also a great way to relieve stress.[3] To get started with journaling, choose a comfortable place and plan to devote about 20 minutes per day to writing. You can start by writing about how you are feeling or what you are thinking, or you can use a prompt. Some prompts you might use include:
Practice meditation. Some research has suggested that meditation may ease feelings associated with loneliness and depression.[5] Meditation is also a great way to get more in touch with your feelings of loneliness and start to understand where they come from. Learning to meditate takes time, practice, and guidance, so your best bet is to find a meditation class in your area. If no classes are available in your area, you can also buy CDs that will help you learn how to meditate.[6]
Consider talking to a therapist about how you have been feeling. It may be hard to figure out why you feel lonely and how to move past those feelings. A licensed mental health professional can help you to understand and work through your loneliness. Feeling lonely may indicate that you are depressed or that you have another underlying mental health condition. Talking to a therapist can help you understand what is going on and decide on the best course of action.

  1. Get involved in activities. To make new friends, you will have to get out and get involved in things. Consider joining a sports league, taking a class, or volunteering within your community. If you are very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be online. Look on places like Craigslist, Meetup, or local news websites for activities in your area.
  2. Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships. Making new friends often requires you to take the first step and invite others out to do things. Don't wait for people to approach you: you should approach them. Ask the person if they want to chat or get a coffee. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you.
  3. Be a pleasant presence. Draw people toward yourself by providing enjoyable company. Be complimentary rather than critical. For a casual comment, don't nitpick other people's clothes, habits or hair. They don't need to be reminded they have a small stain on their shirt when they can't do anything about it. They do need to hear that you think their sweater is cool or you like their personality. Don't make a big deal of it, but just casually mention it when you like something. This is one of the best ice-breakers around and it builds trust steadily over time as people come to understand that you won't criticize them.[15]

You Could Also.....

Familiarity breeds attraction. A study published at the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that same-sex strangers felt increasing affinity towards each other, after each conversation they had. The same goes for online chat conversations.  Don’t be hesitant to talk to people, even if you feel awkward or don’t like them at first. If you’re genuinely interested or curious about others, they’re more likely to reciprocate those feelings.
You know the problem with group and couples dates? The annoying “So what do we do?” and “Where do we eat?” questions. When you go on a date with yourself, you’re sure to go somewhere you actually like and you don’t have to wait around for others to decide.

Unfortunately the brain loves to overanalyze things, so even momentary loneliness can escalate to longer spells because of thoughts like “Why do I feel so alone?” and  “Am I a loser no one loves?” When this happens, just acknowledge the feeling and don’t overreact.

Watch a movie alone or call some friends to go with you—it doesn’t matter. What’s important is you immerse yourself in an interesting story that’ll erase your gloomy thoughts. Watch a chick-flick, or a super hero movie—anything but a tear jerker, really —and grab lots of candy and popcorn.

Please don’t pick a Dummies book on how to stop feeling lonely.  Reading self-help when you’re feeling miserable will make just you feel worse. Read a good novel instead. Losing yourself in a good story or identifying with a powerful character will boost your confidence and fill you with a sense of adventure.

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